Why does it seem to me that other countries are more accepting, and experienced with trans ops, how long will you wait?
as long as it takes to seek what it is i know this body is willing to endure (vs not endure)
I would imagine with the testosterone changing your body you would need top surgery and genital impants?
testosterone changes the body in many ways, some documented, some not...my face, upper body shape has changed, i have also grown in height 2 cms (this is not the norm but I sense this is due to other practises I do) ... I don't need the norm chest surgery hence my frustrations and genital surgery is a different kettle of fish all together, testicular implants is one element of this...and yes I plan to do this in due time when I find the right doctor and have the 50-80k USD that I believe I need to do what I want to get done
pardon the pun but are you feeling like a bitsa?
yes i do I feel like a pin cushion and the subject of much gossip on certain days...for better or worse when you step into the public spot light to offer education to a topic that is often not spoken and misunderstood, this is part of the journey
has the testosterone changed the shape of your bits?
yes
has it affected your libido?
no
the way you think?
no, daily life experiences change the way i think
the way you feel?
yes, i honestly feel like i could kill something/someone in a very real way that i never used to (i of course won't because i have a stronger and deeper love for myself and humanity over this desire) but I can understand how world wars are started, why killings happen and how testosterone is a very real factor in this (thinking of writing a book specifically just on this topic alone!)
or are you the same person just almost physically male?
i don't believe anyone is the same person each second, minute, hour, day, year etc, i believe we all are changing, evolving as we go through our life and a lot changes who we are, so no I'm not the same person I was, people see me as who I am now, not the Anna I was, which I find very honouring and refreshing. i do believe i still possess a lot of the loving qualities that i have always had and hopefully a lot more as i keep becoming more truer to myself
Wow - Andy you are such a brave soul - If I would have seen you on the street I would just 'think' what a beautiful man.
ReplyDeleteI am 30 and male, however in the same situation 'as' you, however the circumstances are not right, which frustrates me dearly, and I believe are part of my un happiness about life as whole at times...
I don't think the 'regular' people could/would understand me, and at times feel rather weak, misunderstood and alone - and that why I think you are amazingly brave, true and a beautiful human being...all the best Andy, and hope things will progress as planed.
x
hey my friend, thanks for your comment and nice compliment ... yes this is defintely an interesting journey to be on! i appreciate you sharing where you're at and i hope that in time you can find your way through your situation and shift it from being frustrating to something easier for you ... sending you all strength and love xx
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